Strengths, Grace and SOOO Much Patience.

Not in that order.

First for some griping, tears and prayers.

TODAY was one of those days that I wish I chose not to get out of bed. This sounds dramatic because it is. In my exhausted, overworked, underpaid, and emotionally drained mind I had a horrible day.

I really don't like sitting in hours of meetings when everything that we are discussing and planning seems like it has nothing pertaining to me in it at all.

I really don't like people who are so inconsiderate and ignorant of others that they quit their job without proper notice or getting their shifts covered. 

I really don't like people who are inconsiderate and ignorant of other people's time, energy, and emotions. Just be honest. It's truly not that hard.

as much as I love my grandmother, I really don't enjoy it when she just stops by my work without even calling or (attempting to text) to find out if it's okay.

and I really, really, really would like to have a day off.

TODAY was one of those days that I had to remind myself to be a good person. I had to remind myself to give ENDLESS GRACE because I have been given ENDLESS GRACE. I had to remind myself that things don't work out the way you want them to, that not everybody has the same work ethic as you, that I should be extra patient with those who I feel the least patient with.

I haven't been as hurt as I was today in quite a long time and I'm not even sure that its warranted. I just want to stay home tomorrow and have a pity party day. People can be so cruel. The truth of the matter is that today isn't even the reason that I feel so crappy. It's because I'm so exhausted I've hit the point that I don't even want to be nice. I just want to sleep and I mean really sleep, a day or two away. I'm lonely and I'm tired and I'm sad and I feel like my trust level in people in general has dropped 10 notches after today.

NOW that I'm done being a pathetic girl. The reason I planned to write tonight was to tell you about my strengths. At work we use the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment to find your strengths and to learn how to use them to grow as a leader. It is actually one of the most interesting "personality tests" I have ever taken. It's not actually supposed to be considered a personality test, it is a Christian based book used to help you find your calling in the church. It really doesn't need to be limited to that though.

My 5 Strengths are listed below (not in the correct order) and with a few choice words that describe the strength that definitely applies it to me:

Discipline: routine, planned, ordered, predictable.

Focus: always on the main road, impatient with delays, clear destination.

Learner: continually learning and growing. Learning builds confidence. and Knowledge is power.

Responsibility: Psychological ownership, too willing, overly dependable.

Restorative: problem solver, restoration.

When I first read these I thought so, great: my OCD tendencies, workaholism, and my inherent need to fix every person and situation is definitely going to leave me single the rest of my life. BUT REALLY. Could it be any worse?

And after I thought that thought, I seriously thought about it for a little while longer before I decided I was wasting time thinking about something that is so insignificant to my life. I'm not a negative person by nature (although I feel like I am today) but I have ALWAYS seen these personality traits as a negative in my life. I'm too ordered, plans matter too much, I care too much about my commitments, I make too many commitments, I'm so focused on getting there I have such a difficult time enjoying the trip to being there, I cannot stop functioning. If I'm not waist high in work, I'm waist high in books or waist high in learning or waist high in trying something new or waist high in perfecting something. It's seriously exhausting to be that person.

Then I looked at the positives of what these traits really meant. I get stuff done, I can stay focused even when I have a lot on my plate, even when I am exhausted, even when I am having a bad day. What I do matters because I make it matter, I can fix it, I can make it better, I can own it, I learn the details and then refine them and make it more efficient. No matter what it is I can make it scheduled. I don't mind being that person. It's empowering to know all that I'm capable of if I use my strengths to the best of my advantage. It's still exhausting to be that person.

I have a goal for tomorrow: I am going to work from Starbucks in the morning, to give myself a little bit of a break from the office and I have something fun planned for tomorrow night. Before I go to bed, I'm going to tell you 3 great things that happen tomorrow.