Waahhhh

Excuse me while I vent to you because I'm super sick of venting aloud. I have had a week, one of those weeks. And yes I know it's only the weee hours of Wednesday morning, but in Amy-land it's been about four weeks of rolling overload.

 

Really the amount of frustration I'm feeling right now is a mix of complete and utter exhaustion, not feeling good enough, wanting the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of the restaurant world, and knowing that in just over a month complete financial depletion will be upon me (AKA student loan repayment).

 

And so it goes:

Broken hot water heater at midnight on a Saturday night, leaking air conditioning unit also at midnight on Saturday. A manager that completely disregards my availability. A new job that I still don't officially have a title for or a paycheck yet. 3 nights in a row of being the absolute last person out of the restaurant with nothing to show for it at all, $200 spent on Stella and her ears as per usual. A trip to the car doc tomorrow for an oil change (which we all know is never just an oil change). Got my student loan repayment information, I don't need a job, I need a miracle. And it's only WEDNESDAYYYY. 

 

Last week, I asked my grandmother to leave my apartment and not come back until she could put her decision making pants on... Yes, I actually did this. No, I wasn't trying to be rude but for the one day I had a couple hours of free time I did not want to spend 3 of them deciding the best days/ weeks to fly to Philly and back... Do I stay for a whole month? Or just 3 weeks? OHMYGOODNESSSSS. I couldn't help it. Don't hate me, I'm drowning.

 

I had a mini meltdown today because of my new job. Currently, I'm basically a glorified afterschool counselor, which I did happily when I was 19 without the type of money that I'm getting paid to do so, but I'm also basically being the manager on the front line of the operation... which is pretty much the job that I did not get hired for and am not getting paid for. Which puts me in a very awkward place. The staff respects me like management and so do the children, I know the inner workings of the program because I worked the program for so long, but I don't want to step on anybody's toes. And I'm not "management" for this position, I'm "management" for summer camp. Right now I'm just an extra that is willing to jump in anywhere. So far I've gotten a taste of a lot of different areas: Preschool, afterschool (which I already knew), administrative, a lot of trainings and meetings, a lot more to come, and I'll be in over my head in summer camp soon enough. But for now this wishy-washy-working-but-don't-really-have-a-job-thing is starting to get to me.

 

And last but not least, working in a restaurant is only worth it if you're making money. I'm seriously taking every day as one day closer to me being able to put in my two weeks at this point, not kidding. I can't handle it anymore.

 

Sorry for the vent, I needed that!